Found in Daniel’s files. Dated June 13, 2008.

Too seldom do we dwell on what lies on the exterior. We identify ourselves with what we do, what we have, what we look like.

There is a disconnection between who I believe I am and the language we use to describe and identify ourselves. What defines me is perhaps how I feel when I hear Brad Mehldau play “Alfie,” ‘Wonderwall,” “Day is Done,” or “Knives out;” Keith Jarret playing “All the things you are,” “Someday my Prince will come,” or “The Meaning of the Blues;” Coltrane playing “A love Supreme;” Buddy Guy playing “Your Damn Right I Got the Blues;” Chris Potter playing “Star Eyes;” Hendrix playing “Red House;” Luther Alison playing “Evil is going On” ….. You get the idea. Does music define me? I’m a medical student. Does medicine define me? I’m a professor. Does being a professor define me? None of these things define who I am. I love music so I play it. I want be useful so I teach and I study medicine but I feel that none of this has anything to do with who I am. To this day, I have failed to find the words that accurately define me. Maybe this is why people like Prince invent symbols to identify themselves.

I love my many friends, colleagues, students, mentors, and protégées. These folks have been my family over the years.

Recently it has been really hard to embrace everyone I encounter in San Marcos, Texas. I guess things are really fucked up in the world right now. Everyone assumes the worse. Everyone is afraid. You say “Hi” to a student outside of class after you just wrote them a letter of recommendation and they run away; you meet someone for the first time and tell them that it was nice to meet them and they don’t respond, you tell someone that you are studying medicine and they say” fuck medical science,” you decide to serve as a physician in the military and your closest friends disown you. One day these folks will ask me to write them a letter of recommendation, prescribe them drugs, save their lives, or lose my life trying to save theirs and I will gladly do my job with a smile. What will they say about medical science when they need their appendix removed, break a limb, or have cancer?